Rice is Liverpools Favourite Dish

A little while ago I had a conversation with some people, perhaps Nel was one of them, not sure, about the most famous person I had ever met/seen which was on the back of spotting Charlotte Church in Tesco. I said Jimmy Carr, forgetting that I had shaken hands with the Prime Minister at the commonwealth games! I dont like to mention it normally as I messed up, couldn't think what to call him and came up with the very cheesy "good morning mr prime minister". Anyway, I was walking through Queens Square with financial affairs columnist tim (FACT) when i happened upon someone so famous to blow all other famous people into even more forgettable memories....

I saw Anika Rice(Or Anneka Rice?). You might remember her as star of 80's running bottom filming show Treasure Hunt. So excited was I that i rushed up to her PA and asked if I could have a photo which she said I could if I waited for 10 minutes until after she had been briefed. I assume this was for the filming of challenge Anika as there was a 30ft lorry parked up with "Challenge Anneka" plastered on the side. I was on my was to buy some chocolate brownies so i said i would come back later and i walked on. FACT pointed out that I may have upset Miss Rice with my impatience. I didn't go back. But I saw her close up. I love celebrity

What have I typed? I am not sure much of it makes sense. I am out of practice

Liverpool Man Fails In Valient Attempt To Train For Half Marathon

Do I need to say more?

Perhaps the less said the better. Next up... the Manchester 10k run.

Liverpool Man Vows to Break Record

Somehow I am training for a half marathon. It came up a week ago while I was tanked up on red bull and I agreed to it. My legs hurt. My thighs are like rocks. My ass is like jelly. I dont think my body likes what I am doing to it.

Running buddy came over to Liverpool with a friend to look around one of the museums. We went for drinks at the docks and inevitably, when sober, I brought up the half marathon hoping that she would laugh and say "oh golly, you know never to take me and The Freelance Photographer seriously when we come up with ideas on a night out in Preston" I dont know why I thought she would think that because the last time there was a idea coming out of a night out in Preston it resulted in thetrips to the races, three holidays and me learning to cook Jambalaya. The big idea ball gets rolling on nights out in Preston.

Anyway, she didnt say that so I put a brave face on and told her that I was training hard (which I am) and that I was thinking of going running on Southport beach like Red Rum in those Grand National build up films (which I am not) The latter was just bravado. Right word?? Scratch that. The latter was just big man talk.

Anyway, I going to run a half marathon in six weeks. I am to do it in two hours fifteen minutes. That will be a personal best beacuse I have never ever run a half marathon.

I will be running for world peace and for the bid to bring the Miss World contest to Liverpool. Both are very special causes to champion.

Tenerife Is THE Holiday Destination For Liverpudlians

Just as Scarlett and I got to know each other she has dropped a bombshell. I was sat there talking about the bizarre "Blue Angel" at the top of wood street which served blue slush puppies into the early hours and where people dare not breath in through their noses. Scarllett is upping and flying off to Tenerife for a life of sun sea and other temptations. So now I am forced to make friends with the man who sits and stares at me when I am walking down the stairs. He is a little freaky and I have never seen him blink but who else am I to gossip to about the goings on in the building? The two yound ladies across the courtyard?

Well there is an idea.

Liverpool Man Outdone

Damn it. I was having a good week. The Celebrity Gossip Columist came by and we went to see Jimmy Carr in the Philharmonic and lived it up in the Krazy House. So crazy that they spelt crazy with a K. I know. It is mental.
Do you know what else is Krazy? If you say Jimmy Carr in a Jamaican accent it sounds like Jamaica!

Anyway thinking about blogging and (not that i do it for the hits) but some Liverpudlian (Mr Liverpool Evil Cabal) has come along and published what is possibly defamatory stories just to become the most read Liverpool blog.

The swine (said like Russell on Big Brother Big Mouth)

Riots in the Streets

Who would have thought that hosting a football screening would lead to trouble in the midday sun, outdoors, with an off-licence nearby and in what is in effect a mini stadium made ofthree glass walls. Something was going to get broken.

The Catwalk Comes to Liverpool

Sophie Anderton is looking at flats in the building next to mine. I'm like totally neighbours with celebrity. (aparently she is a famous model)

Overcrowding Rife in City

There must be four or five people I have seen leaving or entering the flat across from me. Scarlett confirms this.

There is the obvious couple "Chunky Munky" - Says hello sometimes
and "Lady Dunky" - Smiles but is silent (like Mr Eko in lost) (but without the stick) (and the killing)

"Tamil Tiger Terri" - No expression - says hello (bad taste in clothes)
"Tipi Toe Vinny" - Very quite (and skinny)
"Kiss and Greet Pete" - Too touchy feelly

It is a two bedroom flat at best.

Maybe there is something going on there.

I will report back.

Hollywood Comes to Liverpool

I bumped into the lady who lives upstairs last night. She was running up the stairs in her dressing gown as I got back from a fancy dress party. I went in normal clothes and looked dull. I introduced myself and as did she. We chatted and I said it wold be nice to get a look at her flat as I am looking for idea for decor etc. She agreed. Scarlett is an actress! She was practicing her lines which were on the coffee table in her living room. She is very nice. Finally there is someone with whom i can stike up a Joey and Monica type relationship with were I can eat her food and have coffee/drinks with at The White Bar on Old Hall Street.

Was fun.

PS The door mat is back and Scarlett is the one who returned it! She said she was looking after it as she did not know who it belonged to. I believe her.

7/10 Liverpool Women Say the Wrong Name

The Office Junior came to me today. He has a problem. His lady said the wrong name when they were.. you know...with the...and the...
Anyway I couldnt belive it, after the initial shock I was thinking about the intonation she used.

John (screaming) - not all bad
John? (question) - (why wouldnt she be sure who it was?) Bad
Oh John ( like you would say shaking head in disappointment) - Very bad

In thinking about how she said it I stopped listening. I dont know how things turned out.

This week I placed and order for sofa's. Sitting on camping charis is fun for a while. But it is a short term solution to a long term problem.

Mystery Chair Appearance Baffles Residents

There is a chair in the hallway at the bottom of the sexy flight of stairs. It isnt propping a door open. It is just there.
It has been for a few days now.
It is kind of scary.
I dont know why.
It just is.

Liverpool Man Held in "Where is the Door Mat?" Enquiry

I cant ruddy belive it. Someone has half inched my "welcome" door mat.

This week Ikea will be delivering a mattress

City Welcomes New Apartments

I have my new flat (with crisp plasterwork) and now I have new people to bump into. While the Editor was moving my stuff into the place we bumped into in young lass from the flat above. She wasnt wearing very much and she was drunk and lound. But she seemed quite pleasant. We shared a few words which means that I know her better than anyone form the last building.

This week I learnt that she throws one hell of a party through to the early hours of a school night and that spills over into our courtyard. I also learnt that the guy across the courtyard is Irish and uses the word "bastard" a lot when he is angy/grumpy/woken in the early hours/sleepy.

I wasnt bothered. I have no bed so it is not like I was getting a decent night sleep anyway.

This week Ikea will be delivering a bed.

Scary Guy From Puru is Watching You!

Just got to my charming internet cafe for some quality internet time. Usually the same guy on the counter, havent seen him for a while, asked him whether he as been on holiday. He has been. He had a good time. Anyway small talk over I said I wanted the internet. He asked which PC I wanted. I told him i wanted number three or number four. He said number four. I say thank you very much. Took my seat.

South American guy couple of seats down looks at me and says "numbr three number four... thank you very much"

Now he is looking at my post

Oh my god why is he stood there?

Publish damn it publish

X Marks The Spot

X marks the resing place of my old home. The X Building with its rampaging crazy residents (who all lived close to my flat) is no longer my home. It is goodbye to the neighbour on the right who was grumpy and the new one who smoked pot in the hallway. The neighbour on left who thought he was a Sex Pistol. The neighbours below who tried to kill each other. The neighbours above who (very badly) sang Coldplay "Fix You" to the car park on Pall Mall at two in the morning. The spaniards accross the hall who bore too much chest hair. I dont live in their building any more. I have moved. Still in the city. But not in the crazy building. I will miss it.

The Editor came over to help me move and we treated ourselves to a meal at Alma De Cuba which was nice. Then we sat in and watched the apprenctice. The Editor likes Michelle. I dont see it. Her hair is too lifeless.

Anyway... I have a new flat! And it has a mezzanine floor.

Ladies Day Comes To Liverpool

Well actually Aintree is in sefton but we (yes it is we now) are going to claim it for the Liverpudlians like. Anyway...
It was ladies day yesterday!!!
I thought I would go out for a walk about 8ish last night. Nothing to do so I thought I would check up on the town. Just as I left the building it started to rain. And rain and oh my god it rain. Going will be soggy to middling today. Nevertheless I continued with my walk and I happened upon the ladies from the races with their beautiful dresses, flamboyant (right word?) hats and strappy shoes. I took comfort in the fact that they were wet through as well and at least my mascara (right spelling?) had not run leaving me looking like Alice Cooper.

For those who know. I am not in the dodgy place.

Liverpool: The Home of Charity and Good Will

I dont know why but the walk from one end of church street to the other today was filled with charity collection folk. All of them with good causes, all of them with those little change tubs, (almost) all had stickers for the better natured shoppers so that they could show off to the world the fact that they donated loose change to a charity they know nothing about.
I wasnt in the mood for engaging these peeple. Especially when the pet recuse folk were asking for one pound a month more than the child cruelty folk.

2 pound to save a child
3 pound to save an animal

Has the world gone mad.

City's Gay Scene is Growing

Last night I was out in the city and towards the end of the night I was in the mood for going somewhere different. Maybe a strip club or a casino. But one of the lad thought we should head to the infamous Superstar Boudoir. On the door the bouncer felt it neccessary to point out that it was a gay club just in case the drag queen on the door and the groups of guys wearing dungarees did not make it obvious enough.

Anyway it was a good job that I wore my pink tie to work that day (along with my leather pants). I fit right in. Especially when I danced like a beautiful boy on a beautiful dance floor.
I was dancing like a beautiful dance whore.

Tower Blocks the Cause of Social Degregation

I live in a flat in the city centre. It is a lovely flat but my neighbours suck. The guy next door moved in a couple of weeks ago from newcastle. A more seasoned man probably in his fifties. I tried to make him feel welcome, as you do, making small talk etc. "Liverpool is a lovely place, its really on the up" i said. "Hopefully I wont be here long" was his reply. Apperently his employer sent him to t'pool against his will and given his attitute i cant blame them. The tosser even blanked me when i smiled at him in the street. The little bastard is going to regret being gumpy towards me. Its going to take an ASBO to get me off hiss ass now.
I am ging to start by putting posters in the lift inviting everyone to a party at his this weekend. Next I will steal his post from our easily accesible and not very secure post boxes.
Then I will throw my own wild parties in my flat that will involve loud music and the rest. The best bit. I will throw the parties on a school night

Ha ha ha ha ha haaa.

Liverpool Muslims Begin Holy Month

Liverpool's muslim community began fasting today from sunrise to sun set for thirty days. No food. No Drink. But Muller took the opportunity to erect a huge stand in the middle of Church street and proceeded to hand out free yogurts to all those who passed.

Is yogurt a food?
Is it a drink?
Is it a loophole?