I Am Not A Violent Man... But

A few of us went out this weekend to celebrate me hitting the age of 26. I like RnB so we headed to the Camel Club on Wood Street and we were having a good time. HP brought a lady friend who was very pleasant and friendly. I duly took on the role of wing man. Not sure what being a wing man means but I have always wanted to be one. Better that than being a fluffer.

I was in confident mood as I was wearing a fresh bottle of Sex Panther and we men talked about techniques to pick up women. Chester Phil told us that the last time he was in Liverpool he found that putting a women in a headlock and telling her she had pulled did the trick. This was in the Blue Angel which speaks for itself.

Soon after this conversation I headed to the bar with FACT and saw a very drunk/stoned man put his hands on the neck of one of the women in the group. I am a reasonable man but that seemed to set off some kind of chemical in my body that made me somewhat angry and irrational. After explaining to the man in very clear terms that he would leave the club unable to have children if he did it again the response he came up with was to ask which one of the women he could touch. Not the right question to ask someone in the mood I was in.

I was close to hitting him. Chester Phil wanted to put him in a head lock. FACT wanted to break his legs. HP nearly killed him with the look he gave him.

I don't like this part of my character that I have unleashed. Violent, aggressive and without conscience. Unchecked it may cause me some trouble;
paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me,
just say you never met me,
i'm going underground with the moles,
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell



This is my peaceful place.

Glamorous

The Traveller was in town looking for houses to buy in Kensington and Tuebrook as an investment. It has been a while since we had been out so I acted as a tour guide for the city and as I am already an 08 ambassador it was a role I felt very comfortable with.

We had not met since we crashed a party on the HMS Belfast on the Thames and as the only ships in dock in Liverpool were cargo ships we decided to stayed on land. I thought T would feel at home in Newz which is so funky if you are into porn set styled, Hollyoaks star filled, city centre bars. Over drinks T tried to persuade me so move down to London and as T is well connected could give a head start looking for a move up. Given that FACT is already down there it is one to think about.

Anyway, a good night and in ended with something I did not see coming. I never saw T as that kind of person. But T knows about poetry so at the end of the night we free styled our favourites back and forth. Very unexpected.

I saw T off this morning. T fears the car a mate lent may not make it all the way back as it was leaking more oil than the Exxon Valdez. Looking at the pool of oil left on the road he may be right.

Cloths of Heaven

It was Grand National weekend and people were out and about in their finest dresses and suits yesterday looking for that big win. I picked the very talented Philson Run who came in fourth at 66/1. I tell you that each way bet was a sound investment. I ran out to the local music shop and bought myself a guitar with my winnings. I have dreamed of owning one for years and to learn to play Asturias like Andres Sergova. I am going to keep it quiet until I have learnt my trade as some people will probably make fun of my dreams

I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Northern Hospitality

It has been one busy easter. In the middle of trips to one end of the country to another end of another I found time to put in quality time with the Hyndburn Photographer. Not many people understand HP like I do. We bond. We connect. If all else fails I tease him about his younger sister Betty. I have always had a soft spot for her, but in that nice friend of an older brother way, even though she has the longest toes in the world. My god you should see them. It is like Bilbo Baggins down there. She can work things like "My Left Foot" with those bad boys. She could play a guitar with them. Or prepare a salad.

Anway we bumped into Betty Long Toes and she was looking delicious as always. I invited BLT up to my place for dinner at the end of the month as it is my birthday. It should be a good night. I still have the largest stock of Absolut Vodka this side of Finland for the boys and girls to dispose of. I will be slipping it into everyone's drinks.

Later that day I went for something to eat with HP and he was telling me how he is looking forward to his southern mates team playing Burnley next season if they get promoted.
I asked "are you going to show him some nothern hospitality?"
He replied "Of course, we will go for a few beers, see the game, then me and the lads will take him out back and kick t' shit out of him"
I do miss HP.